absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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