Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
