So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
