I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
