do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
