yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
