I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
