dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
