i was born a porn star she said
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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