I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's never too late to be topless.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
