Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
