How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
