I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
