I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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