Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
