Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
