i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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