do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My liver just broke up with me...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
