So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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