No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
