You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
