Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
