My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
