he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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