Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
