those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
