I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
