there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
