I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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