im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
