I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
