There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
