I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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