Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
