I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
