Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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