The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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