but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
