If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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