i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My bed smells like the plague
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