man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I need a burrito and a hug.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
