just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
