Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
