And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
