Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
