I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
