The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
