i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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