I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
