I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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