he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
